just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
high people should be assigned attendants
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Randomize
