he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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