Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
