Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
