I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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