Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
