Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
