I want to make a zoo with you.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
