ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Holy shit dude........stairs
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