Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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