He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
