and you said cock pushups were impossible
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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