He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You've changed since you got that strap on
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
