Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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