I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
