This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
