I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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