i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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