She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
