Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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