I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
