I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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