this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
