and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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