atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
