I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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