Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
