good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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