from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
