I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
