Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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