The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
