Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Randomize
