You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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