after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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