dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
