Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
