this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
