Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
