I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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