just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Nicole vs. Life
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
