whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
