I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
