Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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