So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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