They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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