it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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