i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
