You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
