Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
