She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
