i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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