Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
