he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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