if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I feel great
I just peed on a car
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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