Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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