I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
