It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
