On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
