When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I didn't notice because vodka
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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