You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
i believe in u and ur pee
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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