1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
