your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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