am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Randomize
