So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
