I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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