Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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