Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
