btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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