Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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