Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
found the other keg... it's in the tree
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
