I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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