I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
