i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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