he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
