I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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