I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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