You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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