you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
