Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize