totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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