we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
