dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize