Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
