just tell him i said nine months
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
worst night to have a conscience
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
