could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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